Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
