so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
