I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
