It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
