OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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