We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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