so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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