I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
