party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
