Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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