There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have fence marks all over my body
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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