is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
