well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize