clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
