I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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