Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
