While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We left the knife in your bed.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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