They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
