I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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