I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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