you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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