too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize