Your tits are I can't wait for
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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