one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
