I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
