Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Holy sore nipples Batman
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
