My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
