We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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