On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
COCAINE IS GR8
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
