Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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