The maid of honor just puked.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
