I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize