When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
