so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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