There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
