This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
