it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
we have officially lost it.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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