I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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