If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
