This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
false alarm. still invincible.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
