Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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