a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize