I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
