I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize