Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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