he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
