just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
