I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
