I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
