Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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