plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
