Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
is it fun? or sober?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
