im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize