Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize