haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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