I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
