Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
