only you would photoshop your dick
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
