dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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