i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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