I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
