Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
