I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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