I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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