It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
