I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
