I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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