I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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