just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
