we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
