I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
