i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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