the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
