one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
