I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
