I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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