Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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