i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
