Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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