Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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