____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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