That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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