Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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